To Zainah Anwar, (“It’s men who are the surplus goods”, NST, 2/6/06), to expect women to marry up is a problem, a problem because our society is still a traditional patriarchal society. Even though she still believes in family, yet she maintains that a woman can still lead a full and happy life without marriage. Basically there is nothing objectionable to those statements. In fact we must add that the same is equally true where men are concerned: why must one expect them to marry up for they can still lead a full and happy life without marriage?
According to Islam, a marriage is originally permissible (mubah), and it becomes supererogatory (sunat) because it was practiced and encouraged by the Prophet s.a.w. But that is not all. Marriage, depending on the circumstances and the intention, may be obligatory (wajib), uncommendable (makruh), or even prohibited (haram). Since it was the practice of the Prophet, we may encourage it, but we must also respect the choice of some people, men or women, who do not wish to get married for whetever reason. As for those who ‘choose’ not to get married, just as they wish their choice be respected, they must also ‘respect’ the choice of people who have willingly and consciously chosen to take up the duties and responsibilities of marriage.
It is uncalled for, therefore, for Zainah Anwar to claim that women in the past needed to marry in order to survive, hence, what seems to be her conclusion: ‘the need’ does not arise for today’s educated and financially independent women. One can only wonder what kind of education she has received for her to believe that ‘survival’ is the only reason a woman enters into marriage. What she said regarding needs reminds me of the saying: “a human being dissatisfied is better than a pig satisfied”, which is actually a profound and relevant statement for us to ponder. It differentiates the human aspiration with that of a pig, the former’s being lofty, the latter’s lowly. For a woman to say that all other women marry so that their husbands would feed and clothe them is just like saying that they are all pigs, that are completely satisfied when their stomachs are full! Is not that outrageous enough? What about those women who are educated and financially independent, yet still feel the need to get married? Think of Khadijah, a wealthy, educated, and noble woman, who married our Prophet s.a.w.!
To a Muslim, marriage is part of his or her religious life, and the religious life as espoused by Islam is based on the freedom to choose what is right; by that we mean an informed choice, or a choice based on knowledge. To choose what is wrong, evil, or immoral is not freedom because it is the result of either ignorance or arrogance. That is the reason why the first and foremost obligation in Islam, to both men and women, is to seek knowledge. To be educated and financially independent does not mean that a woman must reject what Zainah calls the traditional model of a marriage, where the man is the leader and provider to whom ‘obedience’ is due. Zainah’s idea of an educated and financially independent woman seems to suggest that the woman must not let herself be subject to obedience, least of all obedience to a husband. This idea goes perfectly well with her earlier opinion that a woman can still lead a full and happy life without marriage. There are, we believe, women of that temperament, and let us not put unnecessary pressure on them to marry up because it is unjust to the institution of marriage. Imagine a family where the husband and wife have equal power, rights, and responsibilities without having to obey anybody. In such a case, either both are leaders, or no one is!�
A truly educated woman should know what kind of man may be trusted with the responsibility to lead the family, and once she has made the decision, she should be courageous enough to bear whatever the consequences of her own choice. If she trusts nobody she can choose to remain single, or if she somehow happens to make the wrong choice of partner, divorce is the other option. A woman who does not want to obey anyone does not need to have a husband, or perhaps be she may choose a man who does not demand any obedience of her.We can agree with Zainah’s observation that many unmarried men today are actually unmarriagable because they are poor, unskilled and uneducated. We can also agree in principle with her suggestion that the solution is to “change our upbringing and education of boys to turn them into responsible citizens and caring family members, and attractive to women.” Yes, the solution is in education, so, do not blame polygamy or Islamic law. Polygamy is a form of legal marriage that caters to the needs of some minority groups in the community. It is nonsensical to believe that the purpose of marriage is to solve the social ‘problem’ of unmarried women and divorcees. The purpose of law is to bring about justice, not to solve crime or immoral behaviour. The law must be enforced to make sure that rights are protected and given to whom they are due. The abuse and exploitation of women cannot be a reason to render polygamy illegal because the same argument may be used to render ordinary marriages illegal. All the abuse and exploitation, as Zainah has correctly put it, are done by men who have received wrong upbringing and inadequate education. But it is wrong to think about changing the upbringing and education of boys alone. We must talk about having a proper education system for all, and not to assume this issue to be gender biased. It is also a mistake for Zainah to think of education as an effort to create responsible citizens, because abuses and exploitations particularly against women, are still being done without breaking any laws of the country.
The purpose of education according to Islam is to produce a good human being, whose sense of responsibility goes beyond the power of any worldly authority. Today the Muslims are facing a very serious crisis of identity due to their erroneous understanding of the worldview of Islam. At the same time, through our own education system, currents bearing traits of secular humanism and behaviour are being systematically disseminated, and emulated. This trend has resulted in widespread moral and ethical degeneration at every level and in every sector of the society. It is time to stop all the bickering and preoccupation with pseudo issues and pay attention to real issues: the reeducation of Muslims.