When divorce occurs, majority of the children live with their custodial mothers. However, the right of access would normally be given to non-custodial fathers. For many reasons, contact with non-custodial father may lessen over time or become non-existent. Social policy analysts, welfare experts and mental health professionals have shown concerned on fathers’ absence after divorce and its impact on the children.
Although it is assumed that mothers are children’s primary caregivers, fathers play an important role in children’s development from birth through adulthood. This assumption parallels with Islamic law which emphasizes on paternal responsibility during marriage as well as after divorce. Being a guardian (wali), the responsibility continues until the child attains the age of puberty or marriage in the case of a girl. Needless to say, fathers are maintained as guardian, regardless whether the children are under the custody of the mothers.
Studies have shown that many fathers lose contact with their children after divorce. US studies (2001) report that 50% of children see their fathers rarely or never, ten years after separation. 60% of non-custodial fathers saw their children less than once per month. US Department of Health and Human Services reports that 26.9% of non-custodial fathers totally default on support. Patrick Parkinson in his study on Australian non-custodial fathers (2004) revealed that more than one-third of children whose parents divorced do not see their children while 17% have only daytime contact.
Using Malaysian samples, Zaleha et.al in her pilot study (2005) discusses obstacles and avenues to ensure meaningful post divorce parenting role for fathers. The study examines the effects on them of custody standards, visitation policies, child support guidelines and their enforcement, and the other economic arrangements surrounding contemporary divorce. The study has also identified several factors which influence the frequency of non custodial Muslim fathers’ contact with their children after divorce.
The study shows that visitation and child support are related attitudinally, empirically, and sometime even legally. However, their linkage is somewhat complex. Fathers who do not visit their children are less likely to pay child support.This is based on the fact that non-custodial fathers who refuse to pay child support lack the commitment to visit their children regularly and fathers who encounter obstacles to visitation feel less responsibility to child support orders.
It is also true that fathers who cannot maintain child support payments are likely to disappear from their children’s lives either because they wish to avoid detection or because they are denied access by the children’s mother.
In some cases, child support and visitation are linked to common influences such as when mothers remarry which results in the fathers feeling excluded from their children’s lives. They also believe that they are less needed for child support payments. Furthermore, the father’s own remarriage may, in certain circumstances also diminish his interest in visitation and his perception of his capacity to pay child support. In short, visitation and child support is complex, but strongly, tied to each other.
Geographical distance separating the divorced parents’ household is also an important factor strongly linked to the amount of time fathers spend with their children. Consequently, many barriers can arise from this factor.
Inter-parental conflict is often fueled by unresolved feelings that divorced parents have for each other. Decisions about visitation and parenting are viewed through these unresolved feelings. It has not only affected the frequency of contact between fathers and their children, but far from that, it’s also linked to children’s well-being and behaviour.
Other studies have also supported the fact that when children are exposed to inter-parental hostility, they tend to react with negative emotions. In addition, children are often drawn into conflict between parents and are forced to take sides, which are not only stressful, but results in deterioration in father-child relationships. Furthermore, through modeling verbal and/or physical aggression, parents convey the idea that fighting is an appropriate method for dealing with disagreements. This may lead to an increase in child aggression.
Parental alienation syndrome has been confirmed by many studies to be the most reason for the lack of contact. Many non-custodial fathers that were interviewed in that study believed their former wives were poisoning the children’s mind against them or they were blocking their access to the children by making physical or telephone contact difficult. Other studies have also supported the fact that the consequences of contact between non-custodial father and children depend on the quality of post divorce relationship between parents.
If both parents are to remain actively involved in children’s lives, then some type of continuing relationship between parents is necessary. Sulh or mediation is an example of a process that may facilitate cooperation between former spouses because it has been shown to reduce the level of acrimony between parents during the divorce process. It is a process of conflict resolution and management that returns the responsibility for making decisions about children to their parents.
During custody mediation, a neutral trained mediator encourages the parties to listen to one another, communicate their needs, explore alternatives, and consider accommodations in order to reach a consensual decision on issues relating to their children. This important factor should be taken into consideration in the amendment of the law in relation to the existing Marriage Tribunal under the Law Reform (Marriage and Divorce) Act, 1976 for the sake of the children’s welfare. It should go beyond reconciliation for troubled couples.
On top of the conflict between former spouses, the remarriage of one or both parents can likewise pose relational challenges to the maintenance of visitation, especially if it entails the assumption of responsibility for new offspring. It is because, once the father moves out of the home, he and his children have to establish a new way of relating.
Besides all these factors, the relationship between father and their children is also related to the fathers’ commitment during his marriage. Fathers who are considered as good fathers during marriage will continue their responsibilities towards their children regardless of divorce. There is a growing trend amongst Malaysian men who are choosing to be “hands-on” and “hearts-on” fathers than ever before.